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#10: Teenagers…

I have no desire to have children… Well, at least until I finish college, get a good job, make plenty of money, pay off my car and travel the world while living a selfish life. I admit it, the main reason why I don’t like kids is because I consider myself to be the biggest kid I know (well, my Dad comes in a very close second place). I don’t know if the other reason why I don’t want kids has anything to do with the fact that teenagers are the most annoying group of people in the world and I know that one day, the sweet darling little kid that will come from my womb will one day transform into one of those annoying sons-of-bitches. Yes, I know. I was once one of them. I remember being a little rat bastard and giving my poor Mom and Dad a hell of a time dealing with me. Acting out, being defiant, having an attitude, thinking that the whole world revolved around myself, yes I was one of those kids. And it’s those qualities that I hate more than anything. I see it in the youth of the nation today (which I know makes me seem like I am in my 60’s, the old bitter lady). I feel like they are more fucked up then I was a teenager (and I am only 26, so I remember those days vividly). I can’t stand their talking, their lingo, their clothing, their attitudes… Basically, I despise all that they stand for. Perhaps, it has something to do with the fact that what I see in those poor innocent kids (the ones who think that their parents who spoil them to death but yet they are dead set on thinking that their parents don’t like them) is nothing but giant douch-bags. Maybe I am bitter. Maybe my hatred towards those little jerk faces stems from some repressed memory in high school. The only thing I know is that if I have to hear 5 of them talk about how good a story the movie “500 Days of Summer” was (which it wasnt!), I really do think I will lose it!!!

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I have decided to continue writing here and to just start posting things as they are written in my lovely moleskin notebook. And now back to our regularly scheduled program…

When I look back at the time I spent working as a receptionist , I look back at all the people I have met. It was one of the perks that I honestly do miss (but trust me, I don’t miss anything else about that place). I do miss the nice people who I have met over my 4 years of being there and wish I knew how to get in contact with them only to say hello once more. But, because of certain people deciding to rid me for reasons I have never been fully explained (being “difficult” to work with has got to be the biggest cop-out that I have ever heard to fire someone who they secretly hated), I wonder how they are doing in life. But like every good reason, there are always bad reasons too. Of all the bad things that I did experience while working for a moody jerk (which was one of the things that I also really hated more than anything) were the people coming in with these fake illnesses. The funny thing about all of this is that this doctor that they were going to thinking that he can actually “treat” these illnesses also thought that some of these illness were made up and completely bull shit. I always thought that was funny. I remember one lady who claimed that she had fibromyalgia and couldn’t walk (which is why she ended up getting a motorized wheel chair to cruise around in) but yet I ended up seeing her months later walking around and living like she had no problem. I just hate the complaining and the “woe is me” bull shit that these people think they are entitled to.  If you have a legit medical condition, I am really sorry for you but don’t think that just because you have said condition gives you the reason to be bitter and demanding.

I am real proud that I am putting myself thru college. I know it is not an easy task, especially since I am now unemployed and have a new set of problems in my world. I know I am not the best student, but I try to learn all that I can and make the most of each chance. I am now enrolled in 5 classes this semester putting me as now a full-time student with 13 units this last semester at community college. I have one class that I am actually starting to enjoy, its my astronomy lab class that meets on Wednesday nights at 730pm. The class is easy. No homework, no tests, no finals. Each week we do a lab in class and thats all. They are not that hard to do. All you need to do is think rationally and logically. Last night, we had an indoor lab about light and color. Gamma rays, X-rays, UV, and radio waves. We had to work in a group of at least 4 people. I don’t mind working in a group and discussing ideas and possible answers but there was this one girl in my class who basically wanted me to tell her what she needed to write. She wanted to see my paper and what I had written. Really pushed my buttons. I kept calm inside and tried to ignore her as much as possible.  I don’t mind telling you my opinion and perhaps, you putting that into your own words but to take what I thought and claim it as your own just makes me angry. If this chick ends up getting the same grade as me or better, I really will choke a bitch.

#7: The term ‘cougar’…

I am not one who usually hates words. I wanted to go to college and get my BA in English with a minor in Communication, I loved English class in High School, I even took an honors English class when I was a Junior in high school at the tender age of 15. But when I hear the word “cougar” (you know, to describe an older woman who gets the younger guys), I cringe inside. I wish I knew why. Maybe its the mental images that flash across my brain, the ones that make me throw up a little inside my mouth. The word has “woman school teacher who has an affair with one of her students but we really do love each other” written all over it. If women who like the younger men are called cougars, then what do you call the older men who like younger women? Normal? Ugh. It just kills me.

#6: Being unemployed…

The main reason why I have not been posting anything up here is because as of December 1st, I became unemployed. I am torn between how I should be feeling. On one hand I feel liberated. I honestly never liked working where I was for over 4 years, I only did it because it was easy money and a job that was easy enough. My boss was mean at times (its more like most of the time), often yelling at me and my former co-worker for random things. He reminded me of a woman with the worst mood swings in the history of the world. My former co-worker was alright except for the occasional ignoring me and not talking to me for random reasons. I don’t think I was ever really liked or appreciated while I was working there. I always felt like a 5th wheel or like the red-headed step child. But the one good thing about this job was: 1) having a steady pay check despite the fact that I hadn’t received a raise in almost 2 years, and 2) the fact that I was able to start going back to school so I could transfer to Sac State soon. I am somewhat glad tho about all of this. I have been working harder at my fall classes (which end next Wednesday!!!), getting excited about my (hopefully) last semester in a community college and working on projects that I have neglected here at the house (like painting, getting rid of crap, working out) and getting things finished. I have been sending out my resume like crazy, I have only had 1 interview so far and it was for a (shocker) chiropractor in Rocklin. I have to stay optimistic or else my life can end up in a not so good place. Unemployment benefits better kick in soon.

Sorry to anyone who actually reads this. I have been on a hiatus for a while. Long story, but I am going to make an effort to continue on.

-M

Here at my work, there are a few patients who are like that. We have one who is notorious for speaking loud. When he walks into the office, I cringe inside. To me, his voice is like nails on a chalkboard. There is no real nice way that I can tell him to shut the fu*k up without saying just that. He likes to talk to his partner, who also comes in with him but is really nice and much quieter than the other, about random things like how the loud ones mother is senile or lame ass conspiracy theories about the year 2012. I am not sure if they really don’t know how loud they really are (I am apparently that way according to the boyfriend) or if these people are just obnoxious and think they are THAT important. I had a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago in the morning and there were a few people who were doing this. Drove me nuts. I almost wish that I had brought my mp3 player to listen to… I mean, since I ended up having to waiting about an hour to see my stupid doctor! If you are that pathetic to want the world listen to you speak, then go to a busy intersection and do so there. I dont want to hear your bullshit!

I blame myself for this one. This is a creation of myself. I am almost usually a happy-go-lucky person. I admit that I do have my ups and downs, but there are more up days then the down ones. I am known for greeting people with smiles and an upbeat personality. I have always been this way. I was in high school when I noticed that this is who I really am. Being friendly is one of my best personality traits; many people have told me this and I try to live up to the hype. I remember there was this one time in high school when I wasn’t smiling as I usually was. I think it was around the time when my Grandpa died in 1997. I was 13 years old. I was a sophomore freshman. It was probably one of my darkest times of my life loosing my first family member at such a young age and so suddenly. My grandparents had just come up from Los Angeles to visit my family here in Sacramento. Less than 2 month later, he had died. (*sigh*) The days after, I was in mourning. I wasnt smiling and I was keeping quiet. I did not want to tell too many people because I knew things would get blown out of proportion. It’s the tried and true method of me dealing with certain issues and problems. I know, I am better off dealing with my problems and talking about them but I don’t like to talk all the time. I get tired of flapping my gums. Sometimes I just like to be alone and quiet. I like the silence. It’s nice to listen for a change. And that’s where the problem comes in. The second that I am not talkative, people just have to ask me how I am doing. I had that happen to me this morning. If I am quiet, I am either angry or something is bothering me. Defending my statement is sometimes a loosing battle. Sometimes I think the only way people will stop asking me this is when I am dead. As sad as it sounds, it’s probably right.

Some people are great at speaking in public. I have some potential in this. I am better when I am speaking to a small group of people and not a few hundred. It’s that knowledge that prevents me from making an ass of myself by not speaking in front of a huge audience. Not to long ago, I had to watch someone bomb a public speaking gig. At the Preview Day @ Sac State back in October, they had speakers talk about different important topics like admissions, financial aid and housing on campus. The one guy who did the on campus housing bombed big time. He seemed like he was totally unprepared. He was stuttering, stammering and pausing for long periods of time thought the presentation. I felt so embarrassed for the guy that I wish I could have hugged him or something. I left the question and answer part early. I just couldn’t handle it any more. After the whole thing, I kept hearing people talk about how painful the whole thing was. I am glad I was not the only one. On a related topic, I also hate when people who are good speakers wont shut the fuck up. I know one person like this. It drives me crazy. Just because you can speak well doesnt always mean that you should. Those people are usually the arrogant, snobby, smug assholes anyways.

This one has shown its ugly head more than I would like it to. I happen to know a few people who inspired this thing I hate. I just get so angry when I hear people talk about things/ places like they are an expert yet they have only been there/done that thing only one time. For example, people who have only been to a particular foreign country one time & when they talk to others about it, the come off like a fucking expert in everything about that place. Drives me nuts. I will admit that I may have been an abuser of this. I try not to talk about anything with expertise. There are a few things that I do know & if given the chance I will talk with authority. Things like: piercings (I have had 7 piercings in different places), crocheting (being self-taught, I know a lot of things) and art (I am devoting my life to the study of art & its history. Hopping to eventually one day get my Masters in Art History, I know a thing or 2 about this. Like the back of my hand!). I don’t know why some people think that they can get away with this. Please don’t bother telling me all the places to go while visiting (enter foreign country here) when you have only been there a maximum of 2 times! Isn’t that the fun of traveling?